i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
