Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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