She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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