that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
