He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
