booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
