I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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