I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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