my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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