i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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