i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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