is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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