imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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