Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
