I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
