i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
