I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
farters have to be the big spoon...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
