I wish I could punch you in the face.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
