do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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