it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
