If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize