I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
