In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
