Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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