you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
