I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
false alarm, still single
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
