hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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