do herpes really smell.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
