I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
as a side note pls kill me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
