AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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