theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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