he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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