You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
