yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
