fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
