Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
