it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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