4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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