I can text with my tongue
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
