y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
