So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
