the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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