Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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