Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
