I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
