If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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