honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
