Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
