listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
