I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
