So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
