He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I want a musical about memes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
