Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
