and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
