A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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