Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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