Nicole vs. Life
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
