ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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