I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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