he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
