Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
