I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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